IN THE POLICE CAR

NARRATOR:
Harry is basically a law-abiding guy who's never committed a crime. But ever since he's found himself in a time warp in Germany, his moral integrity has become a bit shaky.

HARRY:
This is not so bad.

NARRATOR:
Right now he's sitting in a stolen police car and is driving far too fast through the Black Forest.

HARRY:
Hey! I haven't stolen the police car. I've merely borrowed it for a bit.

NARRATOR:
I imagine the police will have a different view of that.

HARRY:
So what? By the time they've realized what's happened, I'll be over the hills and far away. What's this here? Oh, that's the switch for the siren.

NARRATOR:
And if not?

HARRY:
I've got nothing to lose, and everything to win.

VOICE:
Achtung, Achtung! An alle verfügbaren Einsatzwagen.

HARRY:
Hey, what's going on?

VOICE:
Wir suchen einen Dieb.

NARRATOR:
What's going on?

VOICE:
Ich wiederhole: Wir suchen einen Dieb, mit folgender Personenbeschreibung.

NARRATOR:
They're looking for a thief.

VOICE:
Der Dieb ist 35 Jahre alt, klein, dick, hässlich. Ich wiederhole: Er ist 35 Jahre alt, klein, dick, hässlich.

NARRATOR:
35 years old, small, fat, ugly.

VOICE:
Er hat keine Manieren und versteht kein Deutsch.

NARRATOR:
He's got no manners and he doesn't understand German. Pretty nasty type, I'd say.

VOICE:
Der Dieb heißt Harry Walkott …

NARRATOR:
Even if your vanity makes it hard for you to believe, Harry, they're talking about you.

VOICE:
… und er ist nicht normal.

HARRY:
Nicht normal? Not normal? They're talking about themselves. My mental state is top rate!

VOICE:
Ich wiederhole: Er ist klein, dick, hässlich.

HARRY:
Klein? Dick? Hässlich? That's supposed to be me? Well, they won't find me with that description.

NARRATOR:
No? How would you describe yourself then?

HARRY:
I'm tall, slim, handsome.

NARRATOR:
Then tell them the truth about Harry Walkott's astral body! And it would be useful to know a couple of adjectives. Tall is groß, slim is schlank, handsome is schön.

HARRY:
Yes, it will be a great pleasure. Hallo, hier ist Harry Walkott. Ich bin nicht klein. Ich bin groß. Ich bin nicht dick. Ich bin schlank. Ich bin nicht hässlich, ich bin schön. Sehr schön! Sehr, sehr, sehr schön! That was just crying out to be said.

NARRATOR:
And? Are you feeling better now?

HARRY:
Danke, es geht mir gut!

NARRATOR:
Yes, I bet, but you could have done it more elegantly with und.

HARRY:
You mean schlank und schön?

NARRATOR:
What about arrogant and stupid? Ich bin arrogant. Ich bin dumm. Or more elegantly: Ich bin arrogant und dumm.

HARRY:
Ha, ha, ha.

NARRATOR:
Let's take a less controversial example then. Ich bin in Deutschland. Ich mache Urlaub. Two main clauses. By using und you can make one sentence out of it: Ich bin ...

HARRY:
Ich bin in Deutschland und mache Urlaub. Okay, I've got it.

NARRATOR:
You can also join two sentences with the conjunction oder – or. Are you clever or are you stupid? Bist du klug oder bist du dumm?

HARRY:
Hey, do you think I'm stupid?

VOICE:
Harry Walkott! Sie Dieb, Sie! Sie sind arrogant und dumm! Ich wiederhole: arrogant und dumm! Wissen Sie das?

NARRATOR:
My very words!

HARRY:
Rubbish! Damn! Not this now! I'm stuck! I can't get this thing to move!

IN THE FOREST

NARRATOR:
You can always steal the same car again tomorrow.

HARRY:
Very funny. What is going on?

NARRATOR:
Pinguine!

HARRY:
A whole flock of penguins.

NARRATOR:
Perhaps they want to take revenge for the penguin you ran over yesterday.

HARRY:
Hey! Was ist los? No, oh no, stop, stop, stop! For a moment I thought I'd had it.

NARRATOR:
Look at the woman over there – in the clearing.

AT A CLEARING

HARRY:
Entschuldigung. Hallo, hallo?

HELEN:
… 50 Meter pro Sekunde. Tja, der Wind ist seltsam! Wirklich seltsam!

HARRY:
Guten Tag! Ich heiße Harry Walkott.

HELEN:
Hi! Ich heiße Helen, Helen Meister.

NARRATOR:
Ask her what she's doing here.

HARRY:
Was machen Sie hier, Frau Meister?

HELEN:
Was ich hier mache? Tests! Ich bin Meteorologin.

HARRY:
That's the weather forecaster from the television!

HELEN:
Der Wind, der Wind ist seltsam. Sehr seltsam!

HARRY:
What's going on with the wind?

NARRATOR:
It's odd – seltsam!

HARRY:
Frau Meister, Pinguine in Deutschland! Das ist nicht normal.

HELEN:
Warum? Das ist normal. Wirklich, das ist normal.

HARRY:
What's normal?

HELEN:
Abnormalitäten  ziehen doch Abnormalitäten an. Die Welt ist verrückt, Herr Walkott.

NARRATOR:
She says: one abnormality attracts another abnormality.

HARRY:
Wie bitte?

NARRATOR:
Sorry. Tut mir leid. I don't understand it either.