IN THE FOREST

NARRATOR:
I read once that the chances of being hit by lightning are about one in two to the power of 33. Harry is one of those unfortunate people who have had to experience this rare event. But as if that weren't enough, ever since that lightning strike, his day has begun to repeat itself over and over again. Looks like a time warp to me. I imagine that Harry is the only person to whom such a ridiculous thing could possibly happen.

HARRY:
At last! The storm is on its way.

NARRATOR:
Harry, Harry, are you mad? This is the very same oak which was struck by the lightning.

HARRY:
Correct.

NARRATOR:
And the lightning is just about to strike again!

HARRY:
Exactly. You treat a disease with more of the same. It was that damned lightning which started everything off! Perhaps that's the way to put an end to it.

NARRATOR:
Perhaps that's the way to put an end to everything! Alles, Harry! You, too! One doesn't normally survive being struck by lightning!

HARRY:
I've survived it once. I'll survive it a second time. And anyway … who's going to miss me?

NARRATOR:
Julia, your girlfriend! Deine Freundin! Remember?

HARRY:
Julia? I've had enough of her. Where is she? Wo ist Julia?

NARRATOR:
Good question: Wo ist Julia?

HARRY:
First she forces me to come to this Schwarzwald so-called holiday paradise, and then she even goes off without me!

NARRATOR:
Why was that? What had you done to her?

HARRY:
What had I done to her? What had she done to me, more like! This ridiculous tour was her idea!

IN THE STREET

JULIA:
Harry? Harry, wo bist du?

HARRY:
Ich bin hier! Und … I can't any more.

JULIA:
Harry. Auf Deutsch! Komm, versuch's auf Deutsch.

HARRY:
In German?

JULIA:
Ja!

HARRY:
Me? Speak German? It's bad enough having to cycle. Both together is quite impossible.

JULIA:
Ach Harry, Deutsch ist einfach!

HARRY:
German is easy? Ha, German isn't a language, German is a … a … secret code!

JULIA:
So ein Unsinn, Harry! Unsinn!

HARRY:
It's not nonsense. German doesn't follow any rules.

JULIA:
Komm, lass uns weiterfahren! Komm!

HARRY:
It's quite impossible to learn.

JULIA:
Hör mal zu! Lernen! Lernen ist einfach, also: ich lerne, du lernst - los!

HARRY:
I learn, you learn ...

JULIA:
Harry, auf Deutsch! er, sie, es lernt, wir lernen, ihr lernt, sie lernen

HARRY:
What's going on here for goodness sake, a German lesson?

JULIA:
Ja. Harry, was machst du? Zum Beispiel machen! Na los! machen ...

HARRY:
Machen … to make.

JULIA:
Genau.

HARRY:
ich mache …

JULIA:
Ja!

HARRY:
… du machst, er macht …

JULIA:
Gut!

HARRY:
… wir machen …

JULIA:
Ja.

HARRY:
… ihr macht …

JULIA:
Super!

HARRY:
… sie machen

JULIA:
Ja.

HARRY:
I can't take any more of this. I don't want to take any more of this. I'm going home. Do you understand me? To go! Gehen.

JULIA:
Ja, gehen! Gehen ist auch einfach: ich gehe, du gehst, er geht, wir gehen …

HARRY:
Hey!

JULIA:
… ihr geht, sie gehen

HARRY:
Hey, can't you hear what I'm saying?

JULIA:
hören, Harry, hören! Ich höre, du hörst, er hört, wir hören, ihr hört, sie hören

JULIA:
Harry! Wohin gehst du?

HARRY:
Where am I going? What a question! I'm going home! Ich gehe nach Hause! I've had enough. Tschüss!

JULIA:
Warte, Harry! Warte!

HARRY:
Cycling in the Schwarzwald! Here there are only pensioners and trees. This whole holiday is a stupid idea. I should never have come!

JULIA:
Aber Harry, Deutschland ist meine Heimat.

HARRY:
Heimat?

JULIA:
Ja, Deutschland ist meine Heimat.

HARRY:
Homeland. Germany is like … sauerkraut!

JULIA:
Sauerkraut?

HARRY:
You only like it if you've been brought up on it. And we're having to live in a tent! I mean, do I look like a boy scout?

JULIA:
Gut, gut. Wir nehmen ein Hotel.

HARRY:
We'll take a hotel? That sounds a bit better.

IN THE FOREST

NARRATOR:
Harry, you are a whining ignoramus.

HARRY:
What?

NARRATOR:
Julia loves you! And she wanted to show you the beauties of her homeland. And you're too bigoted to appreciate it!

HARRY:
Sorry. Tut mir leid! But if this Heimat is just made up of hills with trees and pensioners, and I have to experience them on a bike, then I can well do without it!

NARRATOR:
It's quite impossible to talk to you.

HARRY:
It's raining!

NARRATOR:
Es regnet! Don't you want to practice your German? Harry, you really should get away from that oak. The lightning will be striking any moment now.

HARRY:
Exactly! Tschüss!

NARRATOR:
Harry? Harry?