IN THE HOTEL ROOM

NARRATOR:
Harry Walkott is probably the only creature in the universe who has been struck by lightning twice and is still alive to tell the tale. But it is to be feared that this indescribable good fortune will not lead Harry to turn cartwheels for joy. He has got himself into a mysterious time warp.

WEATHER FORECASTER:
Guten Morgen, heute ist Mittwoch, der 31. April, sieben Uhr, zuerst das Wetter.

HARRY:
Mittwoch? No. No. No. This can't be true. And here's Julia again with her stupid text message: 'Schönen Tag noch.'
How many more times must I let myself be struck by lightning before time starts moving in the right direction?

NARRATOR:
You want to do that again? It won't work! Your hair is already standing on end, Harry.

HARRY:
I know. The lightning has got nothing to do with this time warp. It's the country. I'm leaving. Now!

NARRATOR:
And your girlfriend? Deine Freundin? Aren't you at least going to tell Julia that you're leaving?
After all, it's not her fault that you're stuck in a time warp.

HARRY:
Hm. Well, I suppose so. Julia, come on. Answer it.

JULIA:
Hallo! Hier ist Julia Seifert. Nachrichten bitte nach dem Signalton.

HARRY:
Julia. Listen to me. I have to leave. I'm stuck in a … how shall I put it … in a time warp. There was this lighting, and it struck me, and since then … whatever … as soon as everything is back to normal, I'll get in touch …

JULIA:
Vielen Dank! Auf Wiederhören!

HARRY:
... with you again. And now, let's get away from here!

IN THE FOYER

HARRY:
Come on. Where's the hotelier? As soon as you need him, he's nowhere to be found. Hallo! Hallo! The bill, please!

HOTELIER:
Moment, ich komme!

HARRY:
Die Rechnung!

NARRATOR:
Pull yourself together, Harry. It's: Die Rechnung bitte, or: Zahlen bitte.

HOTELIER:
Ah, willkommen! Guten Morgen!

HARRY:
Die Rechnung bitte! And be quick about it.

HOTELIER:
Ja, aber …

HARRY:
Zahlen! Pay … Doesn't he understand German?

HOTELIER:
Nun gut. Eine Nacht und das Frühstück. Hier ist die Rechnung, 100 Euro bitte!

HARRY:
That's expensive! I don't want to pay this. Julia, my girlfriend, meine Freundin, has taken my bag and left me hers.
She's got my money, mein Geld … Sie hat mein Geld.

NARRATOR:
That can't be true.

HARRY:
She can pay!

NARRATOR:
You don't want Julia to pay your bill, do you?

HARRY:
Oh yes! I think it's a great idea! Julia zahlt!

HOTELIER:
Julia?

HARRY:
Meine Freundin zahlt die Rechnung. Meine Rechnung.

NARRATOR:
It's unbelievable: Your girlfriend pays your bill? Deine Freundin zahlt deine Rechnung?

HOTELIER:
Aha! Julia ist Ihre Freundin. Sie hat das Geld. Sie zahlt Ihre Rechnung. Richtig?

HARRY:
I should very much hope so!

IN FRONT OF THE HOTEL

HEINZ:
Die Welt ist verrückt! Das Ende ist nah!

HARRY:
That madman doesn't know how right he is. Hallo, hallo! Taxi!

TAXI DRIVER: (DIALECT):
Hallo, guten Morgen!

HARRY:
Guten Morgen.

TAXI DRIVER: (DIALECT):
Wohin möchten Sie?

HARRY:
To the railway station.

TAXI DRIVER:
Wohin möchten Sie?

NARRATOR:
Zum Bahnhof!

HARRY:
Gut. Zum Bahnhof. Ich möchte zum Bahnhof bitte!

TAXI DRIVER:
Okay, zum Bahnhof.

IN THE TAXI

NARRATOR:
You don't have any money, Harry. Julia hat dein Geld.

HARRY:
But I've still got my credit card.

NARRATOR:
Aha, why didn't you use it to pay at the hotel?

HARRY:
Hahaha!

TAXI DRIVER: (DIALECT):
Haben Sie Kinder? Hier, das ist meine Tochter. Sie ist acht. Süß, nicht?

NARRATOR:
Look, Harry! He's showing you a picture of his daughter. She is sweet, isn't she!

HARRY:
Tut mir leid, ich spreche kein Deutsch. I don't speak German – the most important sentence in the language! Ich spreche kein Deutsch.

TAXI DRIVER: (DIALECT):
Und das ist mein Sohn. Er ist neun … heißt Peter.

NARRATOR:
He's talking about his son now. Harry, you could at least smile.

TAXI DRIVER:
Haben Sie auch Kinder?

NARRATOR:
haben means to have. He's asking if you have any children.

HARRY:
Not that I know about. Nein. Nein.

TAXI DRIVER:
Sind Sie verheiratet?

HARRY:
What did he ask?

NARRATOR:
Are you married?

HARRY:
Stupid question!

NARRATOR:
Perfectly simple question: The verb comes first, then the subject, then the rest: Sind – Sie – verheiratet? Are you married? Haben – Sie – Kinder? Do you have children?

HARRY:
Perhaps he ought rather to look where he's going. Over there. The tree, oh no. Not again. Oh no! Careful!

TAXIDRIVER:
Was?

HARRY:
Watch out! Watch out!

TAXI DRIVER:
Bitte was?

HARRY:
Oh no! Ah!

NARRATOR:
You really ought to learn German, Harry. For your own safety. Watch out is Achtung! If you had said Achtung, you wouldn't be suffering now.

HARRY:
Achtung, Achtung, Achtung.