IN FRONT OF THE CONVENIENCE STORE

NARRATOR:
Time seems to stand still for Harry in the Black Forest. He's trying desperately to leave this terrible place, but so far he hasn't had much luck. Now he's even been arrested by the police for shoplifting.

HARRY:
I'm not a thief. My watch is worth much more than the little bit of food I took!

NARRATOR:
Don't tell me, tell the police.

POLICEMAN:
Guten Tag!

HARRY:
Gu... guten Tag!

POLICEMAN:
Ihre Personalien bitte.

HARRY:
Ich verstehe kein Deutsch. Äh, verstehst du …?

NARRATOR:
Stop, Harry! That's a big mistake! You only use du for children and friends. Never for a policeman. You have to use Sie! Verstehen Sie – that's the polite form.

HARRY:
Ich verstehe kein Deutsch. Verstehen Sie Traponisch?

POLICEMAN:
Leider nein. Wie ist Ihr Name? Wie heißen Sie?

HARRY:
Ich heiße Harry Walkott.

POLICEMAN:
Harry ... Wie? Wo … Wolkott? Walkott? Bitte buchstabieren Sie! Buchstabieren!

HARRY:
Buchstabieren? Buchstabieren?

NARRATOR:
Spell your name, Harry!

HARRY:
An illiterate! Just what I need.

NARRATOR:
Get on with it: H – A – R – R – Ypsilon.

HARRY:
Harry: H – A – R – R – Ypsilon.

POLICEMAN:
H – A – Doppel-R – Ypsilon. Harry ist der Vorname?

NARRATOR:
Given name?

HARRY:
Ja, Harry ist mein Vorname. It was my parents' idea. I was too little to have an opinion at the time.

POLICEMAN:
Und der Nachname?

HARRY:
Walkott: W – A – L – K – O – T – T.

POLICEMAN:
W – A – L – K – O – Doppel-T. Woher kommen Sie?

HARRY:
Ich komme aus Traponia.

POLICEMAN:
T – R – A – P – O – N – I – A. Traponia.
Und hier? In Deutschland? Wo wohnen Sie hier?

HARRY:
Hey, I've forgotten where I'm staying. Do you remember the name of the hotel?

NARRATOR:
Of course I do. You are staying in the Waldhotel. Im Waldhotel.

HARRY:
Ich wohne im Waldhotel.

POLICEMAN:
Aha! Und was sind Sie von Beruf?

NARRATOR:
What you do for a living.

HARRY:
Ich bin Computerexperte. Hang on a minute, they're a bit nosy. Why do they need to know what I do for a living?

NARRATOR:
That's their job. That's how you question criminals all over the world.

HARRY:
I am not a criminal!

POLICEMAN:
Sind Sie verheiratet?

HARRY:
Nein, ich bin nicht verheiratet!

NARRATOR:
Not yet.

POLICEMAN:
Haben Sie Kinder?

HARRY:
Nein, ich habe keine Kinder. Which is very fortunate!

POLICEMAN:
Wie alt sind Sie?

HARRY:
Ich bin 30.

NARRATOR:
Wishful thinking! He doesn’t want to know how young you feel but how old you are!

POLICEMAN:
Im Computer steht, Sie sind 35 Jahre alt.

NARRATOR:
Your vanity is going to get you into real trouble.

HARRY:
Why do they ask me then, if they have it all in the computer?

NARRATOR:
To check if you are not only a thief – ein Dieb, but a liar as well.

HARRY:
I'm not a thief. Ich bin kein Dieb! Honestly! Die Frau hat meine Uhr.

POLICEMAN:
Ja, ja, Sie sind kein Dieb. Ich glaube Ihnen.

HARRY:
What?

NARRATOR:
You're lucky, Harry. He believes you.

POLICEMAN:
Die Verkäuferin macht keine Anzeige.

HARRY:
What did he say?

NARRATOR:
The shop assistant isn't going to press charges.

HARRY:
The first good news for days.

NARRATOR:
She realized that your watch really is valuable. I bet that was the best business she's ever done.

HARRY:
Nevertheless that was the last time that I ever buy there. The very last time.

POLICEMAN:
Hallo? Wohin gehen Sie, Herr Walkott?

HARRY:
Where am I going? Zum Bahnhof! Anywhere away from here.

POLICEMAN:
Das ist weit.

NARRATOR:
He seems to be sorry for you – the station is a long way away.

POLICEMAN:
Fahren Sie doch mit mir. Ich nehme Sie mit.

NARRATOR:
You have more luck than sense. Harry, he is offering to take you.

HARRY:
Oh I do love German policemen. Danke!

POLICEMAN:
Was war das? Ein Autounfall?

NARRATOR:
Nothing new under the sun. That's the taxi driving into the tree again.

VOICE:
Achtung, Achtung! Ein Taxiunfall! Hauptstraße 5. Ich wiederhole: Taxiunfall! Hauptstraße 5.

POLICEMAN:
Tilman 5 an Zentrale: Habe verstanden – Taxiunfall. Ich komme sofort! Tut mir leid, Herr Walkott!

NARRATOR:
Win some, lose some. The accident takes priority.

HARRY:
But he'll be much quicker getting there by foot ... zu Fuß. Then he'll leave the car here and I can have it. Gehen Sie zu Fuß. 100 Meter, es sind nur 100 Meter.

POLICEMAN:
Ach so … Ja, richtig. Na dann gehe ich zu Fuß.

NARRATOR:
Harry. You're not really going to steal the police car! Du bist kein Dieb! You are not a thief!

HARRY:
Do I have any choice? No. Will the police remember me tomorrow? No. And why won't they be able to remember me tomorrow? Because in my life there isn't a tomorrow – at least not unless I manage to escape from this accursed country